Monday, 16 July 2007

The honeymoon period.

Digg this

Yesterday was not a good day.

After a splendid breakfast at the hotel and a wonderful lunchtime at the groom's parents', we set off, in good time, for sunny Devon. I still had a splitting headache from cracking my suede on the beam in the hotel room, but we were making excellent time and were past Burnham-on-Sea before you could throttle a swan. I stopped because of my headache for a quick lavatory break and, whilst I was there, I filled the Delica up with petrol.

4 hours and £250 later, I am back at the same service station, filling up with diesel.

You may as well know that this morning I weighed 195.1lbs pre-poo and 194.3lbs post-poo, but if you think I have a shred of joy left to humour you with then you are very much mistaken.

The shirt dangled carelessly across the beam is to try and stop me repeating the performance - the swearword scrawled on the timber was not really visible in the room and, indeed, only became apparent to me when I saw this image and, as an idea of scale, I stand about level with the top of that beam.


Update: I have elected to tell the hotel about this, thus:

Good Morning,

We had a lovely stay in Bridgnorth over the weekend and the staff at the Croft made our stay enjoyable, as did the splendid breakfast. In no way do I want you to consider this a complaint, but there are two things I feel are worthy of comment and 1 minor gripe:

1) The family room (room 12) is beautiful, but represented a real problem for myself. I appreciate that 6'2" is tall and that, for many guests, the height of the room will represent no problem at all, but a significant enough portion of the population are now over 6' that I feel it might be worth warning visitors before they arrive. The pitch to either side notwithstanding, the beam in the middle of the room caught me a fair few times and (and I appreciate that I should not have been wearing my hat indoors) when it was hidden by the brim of my panama, managed to knock me out cold. I would only presume that this might have been what led, during another tall guest's stay, to my second point:

2) Above the sofa bed (and thus emblazoned as a legend above my sleeping 3 year old daughter) someone has scrawled an extremely crude word on the beam. I cannot say whether this has been cleaned well or if it is simply written using a deodorant or similar greasy item, but it was not very visible to the naked eye, however you will see from this photograph that it is clearly visible under a flash. Might I suggest that this be painted over.

3) Thankfully I did not drink over the weekend, as I was the designated driver, but the steps outside the room have a small, child sized, landing. The left of this landing ends with a 4 or 5 step drop which I fancy could do a mischief to an adult ankle or a child's neck.

As I say, my stay was enjoyable and, the headache aside, these points did not detract from my enjoyment of the room and the beautiful town, but I felt that, in particular in the case of the graffiti, these points would be useful to you.

Many thanks,




A reply:

Dear Manley,

Just a quick response to say thank you for your e-mail regarding your stay at The Croft last weekend. I am really pleased that you enjoyed both your stay at the hotel and your visit to Bridgnorth as a whole. It is an absolutely lovely town, and it was really fortunate that the weather was so good for you, especially for the wedding (which I gather went very well!)

Thank you ever so much for mentioning the regrettable graffiti on the beam. As you said, it was virtually impossible to see with the naked eye, but I’ve managed to find it, and will ensure someone paints over it today.

Thank you once again for the e-mail, and I will pass both these and your other comments on to the relevant people.

Best regards,


I am really glad, I thought they ought to know, but was worried that they would take it as an insult and it wasn't meant to be. Ho-hum.


Anonymous said...

-Thoughts of the person who opened and read this letter:
"What kind of idiot repeatedly hits his head on a beam? Really? Over and over?
He must A.) have looked like such a moron to his poor wife.
B.) be very insecure and unhappy, so he writes smug letters (in which he finds his whiny wording so clever)to inns where he's stayed and brags about being over six feet tall.
C.) have mad-human disease, which is the result of consuming human proteins (placenta), which is the same manner cows develop mad-cow disease by being fed their own species' proteins.
D.) be a real downer to those around him because on vacations he continuously hurts his wimpy self and sits in the hotel room pooh-poohing and contriving nasty little letters in which he rants and bitches about miniscule things that weren't perfect (such a measuring a stairway landing)instead of enjoying his vacation and plowing his wife. Then he REALLY expects that the "nice" manner of his crying letters will implore the recipient to ACTUALLY care.
No, I think the answer is "C" - All of the above.

Lord Manley said...

I just wanted them to paint over the word CUNT because I fancied they wouldn't like it on their beam.

Also, surely that would be E, not C?