Tuesday, 12 June 2007

Spam!

Digg this

Well, I have started getting spam comments and I cannot be arsed with faffing around deleting them, maybe I should move my blog onto www.lordmanley.co.uk sometime soon.

Anyway, it seems to be TTP, so I'll go weigh myself.

14st 2lbs, not too shoddy, off to visit Ivor.
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I am having a poo
After last night's curry (we are trying to hurry labour along!) I have high hopes for this. Early indications are that I'm going to achieve some serious weight loss today.
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14st 0.5lbs. a 1.5lb poo. It's not too bad, but I have become used to larger burdens of late and am a little disappointed. I shall have to work on my weight loss techniques.

7 comments:

Poisoned Monkey said...

There is obviously an art to your poop diet. By simply eating a crap-load (if you will forgive the pun) of food, you will surely increase your faecal load; what is the secret to maintaining the perfect input-output ratio?

Lord Manley said...

The Scatologist Weight Loss Programme (patent pending) works on the basis that the more substantial one's poop, the more weight is lost.

To that end, I advise* eating as much as is physically possible in order to maximise poop weight and associated weight loss.

*My Lordship is not a doctor and advise is amateur and farcical.

Anonymous said...

May i say your research into this field has been quite an eye-opener if only I was as regular as you I would sing the praises of God.

Poisoned Monkey said...

It is all well and good saying that you "advise eating as much as is physically possible in order to maximise poop weight and associated weight loss", but this seems like a very inefficient strategy to me.

The more digestible nutrient there is in your food intake, the lighter your faecal output will be. Conversely, by eating mostly indigestible food, your faecal output will be maximised somewhat as more of what went in comes back out.

Another consideration should be the density of food you eat. Porous foods which are light for their volume will in theory generate a lighter (or smaller) stool. But by eating dense foods that weigh a lot in comparison to their volume, you should engender heavier stools to flow from your spear wound.

Another consideration that you seem to be missing is your urine output. I am no scientist and maybe this has no effect on weight loss, but if one is desperate for a "number one" and has a urinary output of one pint, this will amount to approximately 1.25 lb of weight loss. Unless you fail to urinate during your log depositions, you will be taking this into partial account with your weighing sessions, so I would suggest, in order to avoid criticism from your scatological peers, that you therefore weight before and after each urination in order to build a holistic picture of your bodily waste output and therefore your actual weight loss.

Lord Manley said...

Foodstuffs have been considered elsewhere. Peanuts, in particular, add to the bulk of a turd to a remarkable extent.

As to urinary problems, there are three possible answers:

1) Weigh before and after all urinations as well as all defecations. This does not actually avoid the problem of the combined toilet visit and is ridiculously impractical for the long term scatology dietist.

2) Urinate before weighing in pre-poop. This is the preferred strategy chez Manley and one which I believe holds the key to a more accurate log charting regime and improved statistical dieting data.

3) Failing to give a monkeys. Whilst perhaps a little lackadaisical for a true exponent of the scatologist weight loss programme, it does fit in nicely with many other elements of my personal lifestyle choices.

Far be it from me to waive the obvious advantages of certain methods in favour of others, so you will see that I flit between the two later methodologys.

Poisoned Monkey said...

I wonder if Chinese food will substantially add to the stool weight/volume. It is true that you are awlays hungry an hour after a Chinese, so by constantly eating Chinese food one can assume a massive food intake and therefore and equally substantial scatological output.I wonder if Chinese food will substantially add to the stool weight/volume. It is true that you are always hungry an hour after a Chinese, so by constantly eating Chinese food one can assume a massive food intake and therefore and equally substantial scatological output.

I think with effort, I could probably put away ten or twelve Chinese takeouts per day.

Lord Manley said...

So good you typed it twice?

I think that I can easily manage that sort of intake, but wonder if the Indian take-away might not present better opportunities for bowel evacuation?