Wasp Box's Zoological turd.

The lovely Wasp Box went to the new Gorilla Kingdom enclosure at London zoo on Saturday.

His intention was to save up a nice big poo for his visit and he went along hoping for a set of those huge 20p scales one gets in railway stations and some posher public conveniences. Sadly it seems that none of these existed.

Gorillas are the largest of all primates, with an adult male weighing between 350-600 pounds (157-273kg) and slightly smaller adult females weighing in between 150-300 pounds (66-136kg) and, to demonstrate this to the hapless lighter hominids who like to think that we are superior, there is a set of digital scales so that you can compare your weight to that of the male gorilla.

Waspy, in his brilliance, saw this and leapt upon it, no doubt casting young naturalist hopefuls asunder in his drive for scatological innovation and the greater cause of weight loss. "I tried it out and came up as 70kg (compared to the gorilla's 175kg)" he tells me, and who am I to doubt him?

Having spent quite enough of his visit admiring the gorillas' bored, vacant looks as they lay around not doing anything, Waspy took the time to visit to the nearest lavatories, then nipped back in to Gorilla Kingdom and hopped back on the scales to find that he was now 69kg.

"I did not feel like I had shed a kilogram of poo and fear the scales were not very accurate. However, I do not know the average weight of an adult human's poop".

Well, we know, don't we, and that's far from inconceivable. I have been looking for some famous or talented guest poos, but I think that amusing poo locations would be every bit as valid. Well done Mr Wasp Box. Well done and thank you.



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For the purists, I weigh 194lbs, on the money.

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I am having a poo
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And now I weigh 192.2lbs. Bigger, but less interesting than Wasp

You can buy Gorilla Poo, out of interest.