7.2lbs of poo!

I wake up weighing a mere 189.8lbs.

I'd be somewhat more smug if it were not for the severe haircut I had yesterday (between the five inches I had cut off for Tinium's wedding and the 6" I lost yesterday, I am 11 inches of thick hair the lighter.

As a dieting measure this clearly counts as cheating, but as a weight loss exercise I appear to be on to a winner. Of course I only have about a foot or so of hair left, although I do have a beard and am not totally opposed to the idea of shaving my legs for science.

Anyway . . .

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I am having a poo
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182.6lbs!

7.2lbs of poo!

I mean, it felt like a god one, but over 7 lbs?

Woo! Yay! Hooplah! Panowie!

Party foods!

Well, as every dieting tubster knows, Summer birthday parties, fuelled as they are with a plethora of jelly, cake, crisps and ice cream, are no place for salad dodgers to lose weight.

Number one daughter is having a party, with entertainer and the like, in a couple of weeks, when the schools have reopened to accept our eager spawn into their educational grasp. In the mean time it was most important to her that we have a soirée.

We were the first of our group to reproduce and, as such, we have a decent number of adult friends for the bairns. Resultantly we had a 20 man eat last night, including, as has already been hinted at, a large amount of excessively sweet joy. Thank you to Helen and Kev for the cherry chocolate birthday cake, incidentally, without which I would not have had my quota of fruit and veg for the day.

I weigh 192lbs, back on my own scales.

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I am having a poo
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Well now, 189.8 only means a 2.2lb poo (and I could have hoped for more) but now that I am hovering around the 190lb mark I find that the bulk of the product has somewhat reduced and I am happy to be sub-ideal once again.

Birthday camping.

The eldest daughter is having a birthday, so it's a camping we go.

Camping with a 9 week old is somewhat removed to the chucking a bivvy under a hedge of early married life and we have a simply enormous tent, with an 8'X 8' porch I can stand in.

Also we are in my father's field.

This proves fruitful when Jim decides it is too cold and I have to drive her and the baby to my mother's in the middle of the night, so that they can sleep in a bed. It's odd sleeping alone, but it is nice when (at 4'oclock) someone realises that they are now six and I get attacked by excitability.

But I digress. I had a barbecue last night, with the normal sausages, burgers, roast bananas stuffed with dark chocolate and associates paraphernalia, followed by a breakfast this morning of fried kipper, cold sausage, baked beans, bacon, egg, bread and much, much tea.

I have high hopes that this calorific extravaganza can only serve to fuel a weight loss programme of stupendous proportions.

I weigh, on borrowed scales, 13st13lbs, which is 195lbs.

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I am having a poo
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13st12lbs. It doesn't take a calculator to work out that this is 194lbs and, frankly, a disappointment to the dieting scatologist.

Selling myself down the river.

Well, the canal anyway. I've had a splendid weekend. On Saturday I took the girls down the canal in DAN'S MUM to a spot I frequent and was presently joined by Matthewparker and the ever lovely Ace. After a splendid picnic we went off to the Warren, where we swam and sat on the beach with chips and a fire until late o'clock.

On Sunday I took the girls down the canal in DAN'S MUM to a spot I frequent and was joined by my in-laws of both the parent and sister variety. After a splendid picnic we returned home and I relaxed.

Yesterday I took the girls down the canal in DAN'S MUM to the double locks, a different spot which I frequent, with Fricky and Jane who we have not seen since our wedding, yet who seem to have changed not one iota in the interim years.

Today I am not going to go out in DAN'S MUM. Instead I am taking the children camping. The middle one is ill, but I don't see how, in this weather, being ill in a tent is going to be a whole heap different to being ill in a house, so we're off to Old Man's field for a spot of star gazing and a fried breakfast.

Now, I know you don't really care, so I'll just update you on my poo and be done with it. I weigh 192.8lbs. Hmm, that's not too bad.

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I am having a poo
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189.6lbs - first time I have been under weight for quite some time - I like this rowing lark!

Anyway, I must be off up into the loft to dig out tents and associated camping paraphernalia. Have a nice week! I must make sure I pack the scales...

Another gap day.

It cannot have failed to come to your attention that, of late, I have had quite a few 'days off'.

I am not, as I am sure you know, merely missing out entries. Rather I am missing exits. Normally I have a weight losing visit to Ivor at least once a day, often 3 or 4 times. This week I have missed 3 days where I just have not needed to go.

I am also getting heavier again. On Saturday I swam a quarter mile or so out to sea, made my way the 4 or 5 groynes along to the headland and ran back. Because I had been swimming I was topless and I could not only feel, but actually see my massive manarries swinging in the late summer sun. Moobs are NEVER attractive and I weigh 194lbs. I do hope this is a big one as this dieting seems to have returned a short term gain (I think that everyone would agree that 30lbs in 2 months is a good record) and then levelled off somewhat.

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I am having a poo
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Hmm. 192.2lbs is still too fat.

*goes off to comfort eat*

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Well, that makes up for yesterday's abstinence I guess? I weigh 194.9lbs.

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I am having a poo
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And now I weigh 192.7lbs and I have to go and edit the placenta post comments.

Holidays!

Admittedly, I will almost certainly spend the whole time working on either the house of Jim's part-time work whilst she feeds the baby, but it'll be a different screen I goggle into at least.

There seems to be a lack of weight loss yesterday and, now that I consider it, I did not have a poo.

Maybe I have to eat more?

Either way, I am piling on the pounds again, weighing, as I do, a quite absurd 197.4lbs.

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I am having a poo
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196.1lbs. I realised, whilst seated, that I was clasping my (simply enormous) mug in my sweaty paw, so both these weights include a solid lump of clay which Jim crudely fashioned into a receptacle many moons ago, on the occasion of my 30th.

I may photograph it later, for your viewing pleasure.

I am a little concerned that I went without any weight loss activities yesterday without noticing. It must have been all the excitement with the balls.

As a point of mild interest, the grey balls are our chairs, we don't own that many inflatable toys.

Thanks (mostly) to Steef for this:


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Emergency poo! I am 194.5lbs of pure man.

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I am having a poo
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Blimey, nearly didn't have time to weigh! 193.1lbs are not as much pure man.

Holidays!

Admittedly, I will almost certainly spend the whole time working on either the house of Simone's part-time work whilst she feeds the baby, but it'll be a different screen I goggle into at least.

I weigh 197.4lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 196.1lbs - it's a holiday 1.3lbs of poo!

Silly season.

Subsequent attempts were very successful, reaching distances upwards of 30', but none match the second attempt where a mixture of ill-conceived enthusiasm and a false confidence from the first run lead to a vaguely catastrophic conclusion.

I only bleed from 4 places.



I also mended my bike thanks to the good people at Sidwell CyclesExeter's best bike shop.

[UPDATE: I have been alerted by the ever lovely 100%Kitten, to the fact that some people cannot see youtube videos at work, so here is the raw file for those poor saps.

Get a proper job!

Narcissists anonymous?

I was quite unnecessarily chuffed this morning by this, frankly fantastic, illustration from that ever lovely illustrator to the stars, Dotmund who appears to have caught my inane grin to a T.



Now I am not usually one to praise others (frankly, if you are not me then you're not up to scratch), but I do like Ed's work and you should check out his comic Nicer World and maybe buy some of his illustrations, which are really rather good. Now I just need to work out where to put it in my template.

In other news, I have a guest pooer today, in the guise of one Mr Tom Mitchell, son of the notable author Peter and bearded fool.

Whilst Thomas has a severe handicap in the form of a severely reduced fighting weight to begin with (which can be attributed to the difference in our height being at the top, where the (obviously heavy) brain is located) he is on form lately and has the look of a man who has prepared for this.

His 1.5lb poo is not anything that I have to worry about, but it is good for a first time effort.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-! Staying at home! Staying at home!

It's relatively early on a Thursday morning, the dustmen have yet to begin strewing litter around the street and clashing bin lids together, yet the darkness has lifted enough to allow the faint glow of the sun on the rain clouds to penetrate my poorly closed curtains.

The newest recruit to Team Manley is lying, gurgling in her crib. Waking up and not screaming is about as splendid a thing as a bairn can do and it is with a heart laden with affection for my clan that I weave my merry way to visit Ivor, contemplating, as I go, where the bin-lids are sourced from in these days when the bags need to be left outside of receptacles if they wish to be collected, in case of back injuries for the refuse collection operatives.

I weigh in at 194lbs, which is, whilst still well over the recommended daily allowance of Manley, still quite a leap forward (or downwards) from yesterday's obesity.

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I am having a poo
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Post poo I seem to weigh 192.8lbs. That's 192.8lbs of Manley who, now that the children are home and Tom has descended upon us in an unexpected, but very welcome, manner, is loathe to leave the fair maiden Jim alone at home, following her being rushed off to the municipal hospital on Tuesday night with suspected duffness.

I think that I must elect to work from home today, which is actually a bit of a bugger and I'd rather have done it yesterday. Ah well, such is life.

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Having killed my laptop I am using a work one which, inexcusably, not only lacks a WiFi card, but also has a space for an internal one, but it appears to be blocked off by the manufacturer. Matthewparker might still have the PCMIA cards which Marky gave us when we lived at #42, but until he finds them I am left working at the window-seat on a network cable. That said, not having an internet connection is no barrier to typing my blog, so without further ado I am off to the bathroom.

I appear to weigh an enormous 198.7lbs, but I then realise that, without the laptop (which must, therefore, weigh around 5.3lbs) I weigh only 193.4lbs

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I am having a poo
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Clearly it takes far less time to copy and paste the legend 'I am having a poo' from further up in this post than it does to defecate, so I am left with a void to fill. Hmm, what to say? How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake. No, that's too silly. I don't know - perhaps I'll just stop typing.

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I am washing my hands
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(and trying not to electrocute myself).

I weigh (now that I am back at my window-seat) 191.2lbs, which is not too shoddy really, all things considered.

That aside, I have other news. News that is probably worth a post of its own, now I come to think of it.