Well, in a drive to lose more weight I have been eating a lot of meat lately, with an aim to producing larger weight loss parcels, as it were. The aim here is, after all, to eat as much as I can in order to produce the hugest poo I can and, thus, to lose weight through the exact science of scatology. In pursuit of this, last night was chilli night.As well as the usual five members of Team Manley, we had guests for dinner, in the form of the ever lovely Ana Viegas and her neatly coiffured young man, Mr Alan Hayes.
Now, as I am sure that you know, the only thing better than Guiness for making heavy poos is a good bottle or three of red wine. In the interests of this I felt it was important to consume a goodly amount of chilli, as many pepperdew chillis (as well as the chillis I grew myself, the name of which I do not know) as I could justify and to wash it down with a heady mixture of Merlot and Rioja.
Now, in the cool light of morning, I realise that, when Eleanor, the harpist from across the avenue, popped in, I should have gleaned information from her on the subject of alcohol and poo mass. Eleanor is a very accomplished musician - it's not many who get to follow their dream on into adulthood, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that, to my mind at least, her greatest achievement has to be bagging herself the Master Brewer at O'Hanlon's who, amongst others, produce the ever delicious Yellow Hammer (although, perusing their site for the first time just then, I note that the seem to have taken on a number of the old Eldridge Pope labels, which might be worth a try at some future hour!). If there's a man who would know about the faecal effect of beers and wines it'd be Alex, what with him being a chemical engineer who deals solely with producing lovely, lovely booze.
Anyway, we had a quietly pleasant evening of the sort which is marked by the abject failure to get even the beginnings of a semblance of any of the work for Haldon Forest, which is what we had convened to attend to, started.
At around late o'clock, Millie, the Office Teen came around with her new (fresh) car for us to go for a jolly and listen to her shot wheel bearings for her. I don't think that two hairy drunk men laughing at each other gave her the greatest feeling of security, but it really is just that the bearings are shot. "They are really load at 80" says Millie.
"Drive home at 60" reply the men, and they retire back into the house for more of the aforementioned lovely, lovely booze.
So, does this approach work, I hear you ask. Actually, I mostly hear you asking 'how long is this post?' but I'll answer my own question instead of yours, since I know how to determine the answer. I slink away into my porcelain laboratory, weighing 189.7lbs.
I am having a poo
187.9lbs. Well, if that's not an argument for greasy food then I don't know what is.
I'm off to a children's birthday party this morning and I'm having some timber delivered at some time today by Mike Gardner, to turn into a floor in my kitchen, so I'd better stop rambling.
Cheerio! and eat up your chilli.