I've been working on the kitchen or at Haldon (where there was a truly spectacular crash yesterday) all weekend, so I am bollocksed and, in essence, the last thing I want to do today is go to work.I do want a poo though. I weigh a frankly obese 194.9lbs.
I am having a poo
Well, that was satisfying - I now weigh 193.5lbs and, despite my previous work free day's wishes, I must mount my trusty bicycle, Marchant, and pedal off to the office As a small aside, I have owned Marchant since 1988 when he was given to me as a gift from my parents for passing my Common Entrance exams so, whilst he had already created the characters beloved of Brentford by then and, in turn, the bicycle of Mr Omally, Rankin can just sod off. My Old Man is two weeks older than he is and could, I have no doubt, beat him in a duel. A banjo duel at any rate.
But I digress.
Well, the ride to work was wet and horrible. I suffered no accidents to match last weeks collisions, but I am, none the less, left moist. My good lady wife is bringing my youngest daughter to meet me at luncheon, so I am in a jolly mood as I note to myself that I weigh 194lbs.
I am having a poo
Well, I weigh 191.2lbs, but there is more to it than that.
The lavatories stink to high heaven of a foul, obnoxious scent which is periodically (at least 3 times in a seating) sprayed out from small automated nasal assault units.
Additionally, the roller towel has been taken and replaced with paper towels and the loo rolls have been replaced with what my old troop bombardier referred to as 'John Wayne'. That is, it is rough, tough and it doesn't take any shit.
Why moving the loo roll holders down a foot on the wall to 'in the way' is deemed necessary or why the cost of poisoning the staff is deemed acceptable above and beyond that of paper which does not make my arse bleed, I cannot imagine.