Locked in.

Today I became locked in the lavatory with no paper.

This would be less irritating if it were not for two aggravating factors:

I would have had enough paper had I not blown my nose several times whilst on the job.

I had to call David Tapp to come and rescue me.

The toilet roll dispenser takes two rolls, each huge to the point of ridicule, so that when one is empty a slide allows access to the second. Sadly the second was not there today. I have yet to kill the cleaner.

David, bless him, came to my rescue by bringing a life-size cardboard cut-out of Lawrence Dallaglio into the toilets and assaulting the cubicle.

Thankfully he assaulted the cubicle next to me and I was able to get some paper and return to a full ovation in the office.

Bah!

Have I died of Swine Flu yet?

No.