Thursday, 31 May 2007

We now have a log log for the log blog.

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Pop along to and check how much of my daily weight is actually effluent.

I really think that we have hit upon a breakthrough in dieting techniques. Sod hints, tips and general starvation. Eat what you like, then eat more. The more you consume, the more you poo and the lbs will just fall off.

Bloody blogger.

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I cannot work out how to edit posts using my PDA, so I am having to do this the slow way. If anyone knows how then I'd be delighted to hear from you.

Right then, on with the weighing in *puts down PDA for weight loss*.
Well, last night's plan seems to be paying off. The very nice chish&fipps has brought me up to a respectable 14st 3lbs. Now to drop the kids off at the proverbial pool.
I am having a poo.

I was a little disappointed by the 14st 3lbs weight this morning. There was no way I was going to be anything but heavier. But wait! SUPRISE! 13st 13lbs!

I have reached my all time lowest weight and DONE A 4lb POO! 4lb! Women will flock to me as the new king of mighty poops.

Wednesday, 30 May 2007

A new approach.

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The way I see it, the true path to substantial weight loss lies in massive turds.

How best to create massive turds? Massive dinners.

I'm going to poop out some lbs tomorrow after this puppy.

13st 13.75lbs

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Again with the 3/4lb turd. Why are they not bigger after a day without? I was expecting 1.5lbs at the very least.

I will never lose weight if I can't do bigger shits.

I am having a poo.

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14st 0.5lbs

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Not as heavy as I was expecting after the chilli and alcohol intake yesterday.

Many beers and a whole day without curling one out later.

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We, as a department, went canoeing yesterday afternoon, with appropriate associated beer consumption, after which, my mother having the children at the moment, Jim and I were able to pop down the Prospect for a snack.

6 pints later and having gorged myself on both a curry and a chilli I crawled into bed, safe in the knowledge that I had not yet excreted and that Wednesday should see some pretty impressive weight loss.

Friday, 25 May 2007

14st 1.25lbs

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My poop only weighed 3/4lb.

The secret to weight loss: bigger poops.

I am having a poo.

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And who said that PDAs were not useful?

14st 2lbs

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Time for a poop.

Science time again!

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I am going to go and weigh myself, have a poop and then weigh myself again.

I rather fancy that nothing will be learned from this at all, but I think that the baby is on its way, from Jim's general demeanour, which is a worry as it appears not to have engaged properly yet, so a poop will take my mind off it.

If you are not a scatologist, it may interest you to know that I fell off my bicycle (or at least, Gav's bicycle) at the BMX track last night and am unable to walk properly and have weeping sores. I did get a snakeboard though. When was the last time you realised that you aren't as young as you though you were?

Thursday, 24 May 2007

Dieting tips for winners!

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I have gone from 15st 8lbs to 14st in a month and a half. The truth is that this had less to do with being overweight (My Lordship is fairly lanky and has no real immediate need to be slim, what with having nearly 3 children and, consequently, a wife who is unlikely to flee to better climes) and more to do with being better at losing weight than Millie, our office girl.

Well, on Thursday I weighed myself at 14st 2.25lbs and then went for what can only be described as an almighty poop.

"Well", I said to myself, as one will after such arse shattering activities, "I must have lost a stone there" so I went back to the scales and weighed myself a second time.

13st 13.25lbs.

I had done a 3lb poop!

Dieting is not about eating less. It's about pooping more. Come with me now, on an adventure into weight loss and turds, as we discuss what happens when I am having a poo.