Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Solving the oil spill one idiot at a time.

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So let me get this absolutely clear; In protest that BP (who produce oil, which does have negative effects) use some of their profits to fund arts, some children threw molasses (a product which has had its own share of spills - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Molasses_Disaster) at the pavement outside the Tate. [Video below the fold].



I suspect that BP will be severely damaged by this action, whereas the low income cleaners will be uplifted and gratified that their dictatorial and oppressive employers have suffered this blow.



I particularly enjoyed the aggressive way in which the lead protester threw his molasses directly at the young staff member, clearly a cog in the well oiled corporate machine which is BP. You can tell he is a wrong 'un, he is wearing a yellow vest.

May I suggest targeting Transocean with some Nivea or perhaps poorly cement up the doors to the Halliburton buildings next? That would show them.

This seems like misguided, poorly considered low level vandalism, akin to throwing eggs at houses on Halloween.

The original post can be found here.

[UPDATE: Turns out that the molasses will not scrub off and some form of oil based detergent will be required. Go protesters!]

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

An open letter to Nestles

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The 'knitted by nanas' campaign is excellent. Funny, clean and enjoyed by everyone. Sadly, it does not at any point or anywhere within the websites or, more relevantly, on the boxes, mention the fact that shreddies are not actually 'knitted by nanas'.



Sadly, whilst I like the campaign, I am left with a child who refuses to believe that shreddies are not actually made by old ladies who knit each square. I try to teach my children the truth whenever they ask questions, but I have found a brick wall here, where their age is such that they do not fully understand advertising and do understand small-print.

The argument 'If they were not really knitted by grandmas then it would have to say so on the box somewhere' is a valid one and one which is being used as evidence against me and, when I think about it, this is true. The box explicitly states, without caveat, a manufacturing process which is fabricated.

The thin end of the wedge which ends with dried turd being sold as organic, hand-rolled processed cheese? Probably not. Annoying when trying to explain things to children? Slightly.

All I ask is for an asterisk and an explanation in a tiny font.

Cheers,

Manley

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Rusty bodies.

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So, Loxlee loves cars - I cannot say I share his enthusiasm, but what do I know? What I do like is cheap viral videos with bugger all real content and a lot of fun.

In his most recent post, this young Capri driver (yes, seriously) has been covering the PPC in the Park campaign for 2010, which are slightly less offensive than last year's "Burn your share of the oil while there is some left" but still sort of shows a touch of tits and, at the end of the day, Manley loves breasts.

Here are the videos:

Only one tit in this one and he's driving a Rover.



This one has tits!



You'll have to go to his site (loxlee-loves-engines.com) if you want to see last year's banned commercial, because I regard anything the ASA say with the utmost respect.

I am not sure that they have quite pulled it off, but it is good, clean, low budget fun and, frankly, is better than the Savebuckets.com video we made so, well, hats off to them.

Friday, 9 April 2010

iPad

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I got given an iPad today.

So I naturally got naked in the office and played with it.

Sadly there is no redtube, as it has no Flash.



Also it is made of pine.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

The cheese is a lie!

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Chef Daniel Angerer has declared in his blog that he is making cheese with 'Mommy's milk'.



This is strangely interesting.

What I find most unbelievable about this is that cheese needs milk which is easily dehomogenised. Human milk is not. The production of sheese (that is to say, cheese made from human milk) is not viable since breast milk can not curdle, because the protein content is much lower than, for example, goat's milk.

I have tried. I had more success with Yoghurt and I have cooked two very nice placentas but human milk simply will not curdle.

After doing some more research, what this appears to be is normal cheese, made with a higher protein milk, with human milk included with it. Essentially this would be normal cheese with a human milk flavouring.

In his blog, the chef suggest that the rennet is creating curds from the mother's milk, but I am unable to replicate this - I have asked him if he can confirm that he is actually turning the human milk into cheese or whether he is simply adding it, but my comments are not being published and I am receiving no response.

Right now my knowledge, experience and experimentation suggests that it must be the latter. As such, I feel that this is basically a bit of link bait which, whilst it has worked, is basically based on a lie.

I look forward to contradiction with gleeful anticipation.

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

Flickr fun.

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I use Flickr a fair bit, but I have been playing with CompFight.com and found this image, tagged 'Manley', of a man, apparently having a poo.


[Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/14029570@N03/2599729699/]

As you know, I am easily pleased.

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Manley Snapper

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I love Manley Labs products, but this photograph of their snapper made me smile.


[Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/35622002@N05/4090361992/]

I should stress that I am in no way affiliated with Manley Labs, although anything they want to send me free would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers,

Manley

Sunday, 3 January 2010

A busy day

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In which Grandma falls ill, Ben goes missing and our hero is exposed momentarily to Jamaica ginger cake.

So, I crawled reluctantly from my pit at an hour which can safely be categorised as late. Matthewparker had called around with the intention of borrowing a megaphone in order to alert a large number milling athletes, who were about to embark on 6 miles of what any sane man would consider torment, of the presence of flood-water on the route. Matthewparker successfully on his healthy way, bullhorn at the ready, I rose and bathed the children.

We had taken a short stroll, following breakfast, so I was ripe for a snooze, but was cajoled by a trio of baying female offspring into playing Super Mario N64. In fairness to the daughters involved, I quite possible require a greatly reduced quantity of pleading when children's activities involve a joypad. Certainly I would take less readily to a game of hide-and-seek.

Anyway, their race completed, the Parkerboglus returned triumphant and we had quite settled into a normal Sunday sort of tea and cake affair, when my father, hereafter referred to as 'Old Man', calls me up on the telephone and informs me that his wife, my mother (Grandma from here on in), is being bungled into a helicopter with the express motive of winging (or perhaps blading, I could not decide) her off to the old hospital as soon as was practical. Obviously there was nothing for it but to get to the centre of medical excellence which is the Royal Devon and Exeter Hospital (Wonford) and pronto.

I arrived to find that I had preceded the chopper by some margin and there was some essence of anti-climax as I wandered up to the heliport and I found myself rather lounging against a pale, listening to the gradually amplifying whirr of the Devon Air Ambulance.

Once the bird had landed the crew seemed reluctant to acknowledge the fool on the ground, presumably the spectacle of a slow local waving at the flying medics is not an unusual one, but I happened, by pure chance, to be wearing a hoody which The Dagnall had given me, which bears the simple legend 'MANLEY' upon the left breast in gold seriffed lettering. It was to this that I gestured and, after speaking to the patient, with some gesturing which I clearly read as referring to my shoulder length hair, I was summoned to assist in the removal of Grandma from the flying machine.

I felt quite useful, since the porters had not arrived.

Anyway, before too long I was off, with Old Man and Little Helen having arrived, so I was off home. Grandma was a hole in the heart baby and, when you grow up with a mother with a tricuspid valve replacement you get used to the occasional high drama every few years.

Next up Ben was missing - he set out on a half cross-country, half road ride several hours before, but had not yet returned. This was worrying, since it was icy and unpleasant out and a lot of drivers were being skittish in the way that they seem to do when nearing the end of a long weekend.

Once again we were into the van and off to find Ben. I fully expected to see him zooming down a hillside in the other direction, grinning like a fool in his gay abandon, but the possibility remained that he had taken a spill on the ice or just had a bad puncture and was pushing his way back to camp. In this evening's temperatures that could be a serious matter. But no.

Ben turned up at his abode when we were not 3 miles out from town, so we were able to get home and have still more tea.

Something to do, even something unpleasant, like carrying a stricken Grandma or driving out to find a beleaguered Ben, takes one's mind off the real worry, the health of a relative or the welfare of a friend.

Happy new year.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Post office strike

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So, the Post Office are on strike? Well then, if you want more money, don't screw up my post.

I received a letter which I was expecting this morning, containing (or, as we will subsequently discover, not containing) a 3G Vodaphone dongle.

Rather than arriving in the normal way, emblazoned with a stamp, crisp, shiny and reminiscent of Christmases past, this package, for all its brilliant yellow envelope, was encased in a slightly shabby plastic bag, bearing the legend ‘ Our Sincere Apologies’.

The dongle was in a card envelope, standard 100g one. That in turn was in a Royal Mail plastic bag, upon which were the words:

Our Sincere Apologies

Dear Customer,
I am sorry that the enclosed item, addressed to you, has been damaged whilst in our care. Although we do all we can to prevent such damage, it does occasionally occur.

If you think any of the items are missing or damaged, you can obtain the form ‘Lost, damaged or delayed inland mail’ by phoning your local Customer Service Centre on 08457740740 (all calls charged at local rates) or from Post Office® branches and we will arrange for investigations to be made.

For more information please refer to Royal Mail’s Code of Practice booklet, your guide to our service standards.

Please accept our apologies for any inconvenience caused.

Yours sincerely

Customer Service Manager

Telephone: 0845 740 740

Except the envelope hasn’t been damaged. It has been opened- neatly. And the Dongle has gone.

So you cannot have a pay rise until you learn how to send letters without stealing from them.

Allegedly.

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Fray Bentos Pies

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Chez Manley, Friday is Fray-day as we celebrate the joy that is the Fray Bentos pie.



It is only as relatively recently as recently that I discovered that Fray Bentos was not named after a brace of culinary geniuses who I had presumed were named Messrs Bentos and Fray. No, gentle reader, it is in fact a small town of 25000 in South West Uruguay, close to the Argentine border.

The town appears to have pretty much always produced processed meat in one way or another and the site of the Liebig Extract of Meat Company (which was responsible for such meaty goodness as Oxo) now boasts a rather smashing museum, presumably dedicated to the mighty Fray Bentos Pie.

Personally I have always favoured the Fray Bentos Steak and Kidney Pudding, but the family Manley grows and, with it, the menu must adapt to meat [sic] every palette. Now Fray-days can stretch beyond steak and kidney, through to such delights as the Fray Bentos Mince Beef and Onion Pie (as recalled in late 2008 for containing shards of metal) or even the god-awful mushroom one.

So, I knew that Fray Bentos was owned by Premier Foods (The UK's largest manufacturer of foodstuffs), and I was not overly surprised to learn that, thanks largely to the UK market, last year the Fray Bentos brand was worth around £30million, but I am shocked to learn that, despite the huge success of the little pies from South America's cattle country (Fray Bentos Pies command a 94.6% market share), Premier Foods intend to change the Fray Bentos brand.

One of the positives from this is a Tender 'Just Steak' Fray Bentos Pie offering, which I welcome, but there is a massive downside.

"all recipes across the entire range have been improved, with a 20% reduction of salt per pie and no artificial colours and flavourings"

Why ruin my Fray Bentos Pie? I love it just the way it is. Oh, and there is more. . .



Why, PF, why? Why destroy the Fray Bentos Pie brand? You know it is successful, why ruin it?

Rob Stacey, who is something to do with Marketing at Fray Bentos pies, apparantly has been saying that: “The evolution of the Fray Bentos pie has led to the perfect recipes being created. These new modern recipes will attract sales from a wider consumer base without losing our original following of “Great British Blokes”. Premier Foods and Fray Bentos are making it our priority to create the ultimate pie and hot canned meal which can be eaten by any family, couple, or student.”

Well Rob Stacey, I say that you are a tit. Fray Bentos Pies were perfect, you are just going to wreck them and the “Great British Blokes” really are not a real persona to target, After all, the “Great British Blokes” are generally not going to be doing the shopping anyway, so you need to be targeting the “Beaten British Wife”, you bell-end.

I mean, really. Fray Bentos Pies are and almost saturation brand, utterly in control of their market, and they go and pull a stunt like this. I suppose that every Marketing Manager wants to put their stamp on a brand, but let's not stamp on the brand, eh?

I'll leave you with the complaints of Tricia, who feels that the new Fray Bentos Pie tine are too thick and even goes as far as questioning whether the new recipe is worth the extra effort needed to get to it.

Fridays may become fry-days at this rate, Fray Bentos. Don't forget your user base. I seriously believe that, in an economic climate which should benefit the Fray Bentos Pie, you may just have made a blunder which simply removes your product from the eyes of the consumer and opens the floor to a new pretender.

Then where will Uraguay be, eh? Apart, obviously, from in South America.