Guest poo number two.

This is Rowan:



Today, Rowan will weigh his poo for us.

I weigh 200lbs precisely.

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 198.2lbs, but now it is time for Rowan to have a poo. Rowan weighs 151.4lbs. If we say that men are, on the whole, larger than ladies and my wife is a lady, then I am twice the weight of my wife. Being that she is undeniably a woman and I am fairly confident that I am a man, if Rowan falls half way between our weights does that mean that I am twice the man he is?

No, it doesn't.

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Rowan is having a poo
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Now Rowan weighs a mere 149.8lbs. He reports that it was somewhat sloppy.

195.4
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I am having a poo
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187.2

Haggis poos!

Somehow, in all the excitement, I have not mentioned Burns Night at all.

We had an excellent evening, just 14 for dinner, and ate heartily of neeps, tatties and haggis. I would have liked to have made more, but it was more than made up for by the pudding, as provided by the lovely Mrs Boddy.

I feel that would be remiss to not thank Mr Smith for coming along and basically take over the cooking at the point where I began to fail. He can come again.

This morning there were enough of us to ring all 8 bells as well, so this has the markings of an excellent weekend.

Last night I siliconed the bath, which went badly. I have done a splendid and tidy job, but the children bathed and the silicone has lifted in a couple of places where they were less cautious than is required, so it looks like a job I shall have to repeat.

I am now about to partake of some bike cleaning, do some work which needs addressing, and take a van load of junk to the municipal recycling centre. I weigh 193.2lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 191.6lbs

In the words of my Geography teacher, Mr Ellis: 'Manley could do better'.

A trip to Bath.

Today I went to Bath with Matt, who is my cousin-in-law, I suppose.

Being entirely narcissistic, there are very few occasions when I meet someone and think 'there's someone who I respect', since nobody is ever as utterly wonderful as my Lordship, obviously. Matt is one of those exceptions, he is a church warden and nearly an accountant and has achieved all the sorts of things which I wanted to do when I grew up, yet is still thoroughly likeable.

Matt drove me up to the wedding outfitters and we tried on appropriate clothes (all of which fitted pretty much precisely my idea of what size I thought I might be, sadly) and then, after a couple of beers drove back down.

It was only upon arriving in Devon that I realised that I had to drive home from Matt's, so I had to sit about, drinking tea and chewing the fat at the farm, to let the ale subside. Damn, what a frightful strain!

I weigh 194.4lbs

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I am having a poo
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At 189.6lbs I still had a nice day and am rather looking forward to ushering at Simon and Kate's wedding in May. I was rather flattered to be asked, since they hardly know me, but they are a lovely couple and I am uncommonly pleased to be of service. For me this is rare as I prefer not to leave the house as a rule of thumb.

Bum Dug

I think it is important to mention that Messrs Wenger and Angell want to bum Dug.

Why they want to bum Dug is something I would rather not go into at this juncture, but there can be little doubt that Dug bumming features very highly on their agenda at the moment.

I weigh 192lbs and, you will no doubt be pleased to learn, have no desire to bum Dug, whatsoever,

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 190.6.

I am very hungry - I think I will go for some noodles now. And not to bum Dug.

Battling deliverymen.

Well, yesterday went better than I expected. I weigh 189.6lbs.

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 188.4lbs.

On the road through Darts Farm I was overtaking the line of traffic and as I passed a small blue van the driver saw me, growled and deliberately swerved across the line and hit me in the leg. Being clipped in to my pedals I nearly came a cropper and slammed back into the side of the van hard, but managed to stay rubber side down.

The other three bikes passed me and there was an incident with Ben being deliberately driven into the side of a temporary traffic light which added to the enjoyment of the stretch of road no end.

Then we passed the van again and he tried to side-swipe me.

Then he passed us again as traffic cleared and cut in front of me and braked hard, then sped away. Half a mile later he was waiting in a lay-by and then pulled out on me in a manner which would have been disastrous, had I not expected it. At the next lay-by he pulled in again and I had to pass, so I allowed a car to pass me and tucked in behind it to pass. I then decided that enough as enough, so I pulled in to a gateway to let the van be where I was not.

The van pulled into the gateway and began to get out, so I rode on at which he drove pretty much through Matthewparker and then blocked the whole road and started storming down towards us shouting that all four of us had hit his van and that we should not be overtaking on bicycles.

I was sorely afraid for the fat pillock looked like it would take some stopping him and I could not see myself not getting hurt here, but he then changed his mind and buggered off.

Most scary. I weigh 200.2lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 197.2lbs.

The day in general was excellent, the play we wrote about penguins and polar bears, in the style of Derek and Clive meeting Monty Python, went down well and I was pleasantly surprised to find that Tracker, the host, was not of a mind to teach field-craft, but was actually an excellent example of the best kind of person to lead these motivational team-building days.

All in all everything was a little more positive than I am prone to be, but still relatively painless.

One can only hope that, in this environmental guise, Mr Brown would approve of my cycling expenses.

Open, honest, fair, fun, professional and unconventional.

That's what all 202.6lbs of Manley is

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 199.8lbs and I am cycling to Woodbury Park for a conference on embracing our group's core values.

I wonder if I can claim MMA for cycling?

Tea?

I weigh 196lbs

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195.8 and I want a cup of tea.

This is a Southern Crowned Crane (Balearica pavonina gibberifrons), of the kind I saw in Kenya, with Colour Sergeant Andy Butcher who was an odd sort of a chap, but one who I shall not forget.

Daffodil!

I weigh 194.6lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 193lbs

It would be nice to pretend that it is spring, but frankly I believe that the flowering daffodil in my garden is merely stupid.

I weigh 201.4lbs now, which is a little saddening.

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 199.8lbs

Grout Grouch

I weigh 194lbs, and I am absolutely exhausted.

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 192.4 and, sitting here, I realise that I really do have to grout the tiles. Grouting is not a job I have done before and it is already late at night, but if I am quick I can still get to B&Q in time for a grouting float.

I weigh 199.9lbs, which is very heavy, but I am plastered from head to foot in groat.

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I am having a poo
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196.6lbs of Manley has completed the tiles and is very pleased, except that he has also broken the shower control off.