Thursday, 16 October 2008

The Vasectomy

Digg this

Okay, so it is vasectomy time at last. The day started with the youngest Manley throwing a whole large tin of golden syrup on the floor (which was harder to clean up than I had thought) which served to take my mind off the oncoming procedure rather well.

The eldest at school already, the lovely Helen came to collect the younger brace and took them off for a picnic, so there was no real excuse to do anything other than press on to the surgery.

It's a fair old walk down to Dr Watson's dungeons, but I am legally excluded from driving home afterwards, so a walk it is. Normally it would be no problem, but I have a fairly nasty cold and my knee is playing up, not to mention the ever increasing feeling of impending doom.

Of course the receptionists are expecting me and all have a bit of a chuckle - you would think that, by now, they would be used to this sort of thing? Anyway, i settle down for a read of HEAT and associated pulp dross. I did find a nice article about retreats for the famous, which appeared in two seperate magazines, each professing to be from a seperate publishing house, with the same imagery, decoration and words.

A good rant about the improbably low quality of today's print media does help a little, but then Dug arrives. Dug is my boss and, if you want a top Search Consultant, Dug's the man. He also has a new car, so whether his readiness to collect me from the surgery was entirely down to his decency as a human being and his excellent man management has to be questioned when measured against his glee at now having a manual gearbox. Either way, Dug is here to collect me and I have not even gone in yet. I do a little jig as I go to meet him and there is a level of forced jocularity, although we both know that today is not going to be about fun.

Eventually I am called in and Jim comes with me. She is needed to take video footage and photographs, as well as there being the reasonable chance that she might faint, which would lighten my mood considerably, but she is sent out by the nurse. Apparently the first stage is mine to suffer alone.

First off I am placed behind a curtain and invited to strip from the waist down. I have got my massive padded cycling boxer shorts on, so I am a little bit pleased to have privacy, but I have always found it most odd that I get to hide whilst undressing, but then the nurse comes back to prod around with my goods.

Anyway, I get a hot water bottle to apply to my freshly shaven testicles and the doctor arrives. Making a loop in the end of an elastic band (questioning unearths that these are just normal elastic bands and that, indeed, he asks his postman for them) he slips it around my ever shrinking penis (by the time I lost sight of it I essentially only had a tube of skin left, as my willy disappeared back into my spine to escape the hell of surgery) just below the head.

This slips off and I have to reattach it myself, whereupon a pair of scissors shaped clamp is passed through the loop and the clamp attached to my shirt, serving to pull my phallus up onto my stomach and keep it out of the way. A green sheet with a small hole is placed on me, with the target items on the outside and Jim is finally allowed in.

To be honest the nurse was a bit more upset when I showed the elastic band to my wife than I was expecting. She was positively horrified, from what I could gather, but as far as I am concerned, I am doing this for Jim and she has to put up with seeing it, warts and all. I have no warts on my penis or elsewhere.

The next problem is losing cameras - the nurse is quite keen on removing them beyond my reach, but I am adamant. Many people do not understand, but if I am going to go through this then it is important to me to know what happened. It is also worthy of record, just so that, when my memory fades and I recall a 40" blade and searing pain I am able to correct myself.

Then it's the injections. They really hurt. Here, look for yourself:



How much does it hurt? The "Little scratch" (and I was most disappointed that there was no "little prick" joke) was not too bad, but the actual injecting of the local anaesthetic was bloody awful. You are aware, no doubt, of the pain of a dental injection, when it goes all the way to the back of your throat? This is the same. Yes - the back of my throat.

Next comes the vasectomy itself.



I can hear it burning my flesh, I can see the smoke and smell the singe. You hear in that clip how the doctor says there 'It's not a soldering iron'?




Soldering iron?

Soldering iron.



Here the vas deferens has been brought to the surface and Dr Watson is burning through with the soldering iron:



The tube serves to take away the smoke and the smell.

The hole has been clamped and the vas deferens burned, so it is time to locate the other vas deferens now (the left one was first, then the right).

There are two clamps in this image - the sharper, more standard clamps, which are used to seperate the tissue and find the vas (the scrotum not being a sack, but a series of layers of tissue) and the special device used to seperate the vas from everything around it, with the curved ends:



After another round of anaesthetic, it is time for searching for the other vas:



And there it is! (although actually this is the left one again - the right side proved harder to work on and needed a second run - when the second run started I had an active nerve and Jim had to put the camera down to be with me.



All in all, it was not as bad as it might have been, but still considerably worse than I had hoped. I have a couple of giant containers for samples and Dug drove me home so that I could get on with some work.

I'll update on the recovery later.

To give you an idea of what is going on down below during those videos, here's a bollock shot. This chap cuts and ties the Vas, but mine was burned with the soldering iron:

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

Duuuuude, baaaaallls! Gaaaay!

Lord Manley said...

I am struggling to think of anything less homosexual than a vasectomy.

Oh, wait, fireguards.

Fireguards are pretty hetro.

Lord Mue said...

Eep!
*Crosses legs*
*Keeps them crossed forever*

It must have took some *ahem* balls to go through all that.

Lord Manley said...

Indeed.

It was something of a pre-requisit.

I am really just waiting for the US 'you are going to hell!' contingent now. They make blogging fun!

pxyzyzygy said...

I'm less than impressed that they caused you pain. Mine was painless from start to finish.

You big puff.

Lord Manley said...

It is because I am so very Manley.

MH Media Online said...

Hmmm.. I'm glad my GF declined my recent brave/stupid offer of a vasectomy - really wouldn't to go through this! Thought it was nice touch having "Jumping Jack Flash" playing during the anaesthesia though ;-)

VMOS said...

OW OW FUCKING OW

collapsibletank said...

My mate Paul told me his vasectomy story in sign language. It was a bloody bloody awful experience. For me.

hooker1uk said...

wow. at least i know what it could be like when i get the chop (once this lil bean is baked.)

and yes fireguards are so hetro and yiff

and to anonymous you say balls are gay, does that mean you have a man-minge instead?

Anonymous said...

Dude, I did it, it was nothing. Once that inter-veinus valium kicked in, I couldn't care less about what was going on down there. it took 35-40 minutes. Tops. And now, no kids to support. Ever.

Anonymous said...

Wow! ur a brave guy. Cheers for putting up this description.

Lord Manley said...

Valium would have been good.

Sedatives were offered, but I foolishly declined them.

BritSwedeGuy said...

I remember mine and thinking - have they not heard of anaesthetic? An eternity of pure torture.

Anonymous said...

You are wonderful, thank you for putting this up.

My partner has been wishy washy as can be about getting fixed demanding that either I alone get it done, or go through an abortion if I get pregnant.

I'd much prefer to have us both fixed so I never have to worry about having a child we can't afford to care for, or having an abortion I can't emotionally afford.

Maybe after seeing this he will realize it's not nearly as intrusive as what I'll be going through at my appointment.

T said...

You are a brave man. Good on you!

dxrtwr said...

Just went through it myself. No sedative for the mind, only the boys. Sat there like I was having a tooth filled. Any man that insists his wife go through a tubal ligation, or worse, an abortion, instead of this 5 minute procedure, is a coward.
Sure there's some pain, they're your balls for cryin out loud.

Generic Drugs Exporter said...

I have wanted to learn more about particular topics, but not many websites would help me out in informing me the way I expected. This left me with many question, but after reading your article, I got an answer to all my questions. You are too cool dude!!!

Buy Lioresal Online said...

I '
m satisfeito desta páxina benéfica excelente; esta é unha forma de suxeito que me sostén, aínda que fóra ve a day.We 'foi normalmente oído ultimamente querendo preto no seu web-site dereita inmediatamente after

Drugs Online said...

I always enjoy reading such posts which provide knowledge based information like this blog. Keep it up.

Buy Volmax said...

I always enjoy reading such posts which provide knowledge based information like this blog. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Rummy Card Game said...

Hi , i got this Article , i was searching some thing relevant to this, And i am feeling lucky, as its the perfect one for what i am looking for. I will share this link on face book.

Anonymous said...

thanks man that was all i needed!!!!! Time to get er dunn!!

Buy Amoxil said...

These articles are fantastic; the information you show us is interesting for everybody and Vermox 100mg really good written. It’s just great!!

Facebook Developer said...

Thank you for this helpful stuff I got at your site. The stuff here is really good and keep up sharing.

Real Estate Logo Designs said...

I found so many interesting in your blog especially its discussion. keep up the good work.

Facebook Game Company said...

Recently i ran into your website and so are already reading along. I think I’d leave my first comment. I don’t understand what to share with the exception that I’ve enjoyed reading. Nice blog. For certain i will keep visiting your blog really often

erectile dysfunction viagra said...

That is very good comment you shared.Thank you so much that for you shared those things with us.Im wishing you to carry on with ur achivments.All the best.

Conversion Rate Optimization Services said...

Nice energy and vibe you put out there. You have so much to offer, I like the energy and the nice values you apply to your site. Real interesting and outstanding point of view.

San Francisco Hotels Fisherman S Wharf said...

It is really a good idea! This article is excellent as well exactly how the subject had been expanded. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work.

hotels near st louis airport said...

Very worthwhile data. It proved to be very useful to me and I am sure to all the commenters here! Just saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the phenomenal lucidity in your writing.

New Movie Trailers said...

Thanks for your marvelous posting! I enjoyed reading it. I really feel as though I know so much more about this than I did before. Your blog really brought some things to light that I never would have thought about before reading it. Effects Of Smoking.

Events said...

You are such an amazing photographer. Keep up the good work.

Cheap Essay Writing said...

That's really massive exposure post and I must admire you in this regard. Cheap Essay Writing

Cheap Essay Writing said...

Really nice information i get from your article. I share your article on stumble as well. Keep Sharing nice posts. Cheap Essay Writing

Paper Writing Services said...

That’s what I was searching for, what a stuff! present here at this blog, thanks admin of this website. Paper Writing Services

Hire a Drupal App Developer said...

Тhіs pοѕt poѕted аt thіs sitе is reallу nісе.

Custom Essay Writing Service said...

Buy Essays Online our Essay Writers are providing Urgent and Cheap Essays Writing and RapidWriters is your Best Essay Writing in UK, USA, Canada.

Hajj Packages said...

The blog is absolutely fantastic. Lots of great information and inspiration, both of which we all need. Thanks Hajj Packages

Wholesale Towels said...

Valuable information you got here! I would like to thank you for sharing your thoughts and time into the stuff you post. Wholesale Towels

Hajj Packages said...

Thank you for sharing this! Just what I've been searching for. Great info! Hajj Packages

Used Police Cars said...

This is a great inspiring article. I am pretty much pleased with your good work.You put really very helpful information. Used Police Cars

dress shirts pakistan said...

Your views are quite nice and also convincing.I think you should do more reserch regarding the topic.

Custom Essays said...

Nice post.Thank you for taking the time to publish this information very useful! I'm still waiting for some interesting thoughts from your side in your next post thanks. Custom Essays

Robert Gomez said...

All I can say is Thank You for sharing this! This is something that is near to me at the moment! I know a person in vasectomy north carolinaif you want you can talk to him. THANK YOU

Coupon Missy said...

excellent content i love reading your blog. Coupon Missy
Coupon Codes
Free Shipping
Grocery Coupons
Haggar Coupons
Home Depot Coupons
HSN Coupons
JcPenney Coupons
Kohls Coupons
Kmart Coupons
Light In The Box Coupons
Loccitane Coupons
Macys Coupons
Meijer Coupons
New Egg Coupons
Next Day Flyers Coupons
Nine West Coupons
Old Navy Coupons
Overstock Coupons
Perfumania Coupons
Perry Ellis Coupons
P.S. from Aeropostale Coupons
QVC Coupons
Redplum Coupons
Restaurant.com Coupons
Safeway Coupons
Saks Coupons
Sams Club Coupons
Sears Coupons
Shop.com Coupons
SmartBargains Coupons
SmartSource Coupons
Target Coupons

Coupon Blues said...

I suggest this site to my friends so it could be useful & informative for them also Great effort. Amazon Promo Codes
American Eagle Promo Code
AutoZone Coupons
Barnes & Noble Coupon Code
Barneys Warehouse Coupons
bebe Coupon Codes
Bed Bath and Beyond Coupon
Best Buy Coupons
Bluefly Coupon Codes
Groupon Promo Codes
Haggar Coupons
JcPenney Coupons
Kohls Coupons
Light In The Box Coupons
Macy's Coupon
Next Day Flyers Coupon Codes
Overstock Promo Codes
Sears Coupons
SmartBargains Coupons
Target Promo Codes
Walmart Coupon Codes
Woot Coupon Codes

Custom Essays said...

This was a great and interesting article to read.

Cheap Essays said...

Great work by the blogger this blog really help me.
geoessay

Arabella Simson said...


This blog Is very informative, I am really pleased to post my comment on this blog. It helped me with ocean of knowledge so I really belive you will do much better in the future. Good job
Airport Taxi

SEO Company said...

Good to see this blog really informative.
SEO Company

Cheap Essay said...

I found many interesting things from this site. It helps me many way.

Cereb said...

This blog can be an iconic blog. The way you expressed everything is just awesome.
Cereb